Sandy - around $80,000
I wrote to you before and I apologize for this second submission. I know you are getting bombarded with responses, but after sending my first submission I realized that I left out so much that defined my situation and I felt I had to re-submit. I dont't want to waste your time and I know that the chances of me being choosen are extremely slim, but for my sanity I have to try. It seems I worked all my life. I started working when I was 14 years old. I enjoyed working and felt I was contributing something. I had a feeling of accomplishment. I worked to help support my family and the only money I kept for myself went to buy my first car and pay insurance. I learned alot of different things during the years I worked and I took great pleasure in the experience. I also felt good about myself and the fact I was able to contibute to my family's welfare. My father and mother worked hard the whole time I was growing up. I rarely saw my father until the later years of my life, but I learned what a wonderful man he was. He became one of my best friends, unfortunately I lost him in 2004. One thing my parents taught me was honesty, good ethics and self respect. We never had much and were always living hand-to-mouth, but we had our family. I am afraid that I have lost alot of the respect I had for myself since becomming disabled. I am no longer productive and can't take care of my family anymore. I am sinking faster and faster in debt and no matter how hard I have tried I am at a point in my life where I face losing everything I have lived for, except, of course, my children. They are the best thing that has ever happend in my life. It has been a hard struggle raising them on my own, but I wouldn't trade a moment. I've tried to be smart with my financial decisions, but I have made some mistakes and am truely paying for them now. The struggle continued after moving out on my own. I had my first daughter and times became really tough. Her father did not contribute to her support and I had to raise my first daughter completely on my own. There were times when the only food in the house was baby food and I ate when I could, but we survived and both my daughter's have grown to be wonderful young women. I even have a grandson now. My youngest is just beginning to make her mark on the world. She is in her first year of college. She was in honor's classes all through school and has now been accepted into honor's classes at college. Thank goodness for the Pell Grants and other programs to help young people like her that would not be able to attend college otherwise. Unfortunately, these grants don't cover everything. She is working to put herself through school and it's a struggle I can definately identify with although I never was able to attend college myself. I did, however, learn enough to work in the accounting department of a law firm before I became disabled. I worry about my daughter being able to continue her education. She is so smart and has so much to offer. She plans to go into the medical field. She is also very active with her church and does alot of volunteer work to help others. I have always tried to instill in my children to respect others and help out when they can. I never had much to offer to anyone, but there have been many times I have let someone come into my home when they had nowhere to go. I will share what little I have; even give you the shirt off my back, but soon my shirt may be all I have left. I am terribly depressed and this is not me. I am usually upbeat and try to have a good outlook on life. I'm an optimist, but lately I feel like I am failing down a dark pit. If I lose my home and become homeless I guess I will deal like I have with every set-back I have had throught my life, but I am getting older. My body no longer cooperates. I am stuck inside all day, can't get out for various reasons. I can walk, but not far. I can think, although I am not quite as sharp as I use to be. I am in constant pain. I am disfigured due to a medical issue. I am embarassed to be seen in public. It took alot of desperation for me to publish a picture on this site. I am 52 years old and I feel like my life is over. The disease I have may drag on for years. It's been 10 plus years so far. Sometimes I wish I had something that would take me quick, get it over with. Then I think about my kids and what I will or won't leave behind. I'm not suicidal, it is against my religion, but I feel so helpless and useless. How can I just sit here and watch everything I had worked for get taken away/ How can I live with letting my children down, losing their home and leaving debts behind for them to deal with? If I could get some of these debts paid off and believe me, paying half of what I owe or a smaller percentage would allow me to get my monthly bills back down to where I could manage them every month. That's all I want, to be able to pay my debts every month without having to stress so much about it that my health gets even worse as does the depression. I just want to be happy and have the peace of knowing that when I do leave this world I have left leaving them in a little better situation and that they will always have a home. Thank you for your time and consideration. God bless.